Your Pathway to Holland
I was introduced to an essay called “Welcome to Holland” by Emily Perl Kingsley by a wonderfully supportive mother with many years of experience in the special-needs world in California during the early days of our special-needs journey. I remember reading it and crying for a long time—it touched a place in me I hadn’t yet found words for. At the time, I was comparing my son to other children his age, feeling lost, frustrated, and desperate for answers we didn’t yet have. Eventually, we received a diagnosis, and our services continued, but the emotions remained. Over the years, I’ve come back to this essay repeatedly as a reminder that our journey isn’t wrong—it’s simply different. With the author's permission, I share it with you here, in the hope that it brings the same comfort and perspective it has given me.
Welcome to Holland
by Emily Perl Kingsley
©1987 by Emily Perl Kingsley. All rights reserved. Reprinted by permission of the author.
I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability - to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this......
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When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.
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After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The flight attendant comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland."
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"Holland?!?" you say. "What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy."
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But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.
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The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.
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So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.
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It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around.... and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills....and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.
But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy... and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned."
And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away... because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss.
But... if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things ... about Holland.
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Here is the link to the original author's website, where you can explore more information. Emily Perl Kingsley